The funniest What We Do in the Shadows quotes, GIFs and memes.
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Your husband has made porn and it's so bloody boring
NadjaThere is nothing more devastating than realizing your husband has made porn... and it's so bloody boring. -
Vampire sex is like pizza
Vampire sex is like pizza......in that even when it's bad it's good. -
You are not Twilight
NickTwilight!DeaconShut up, Nick! You are not Twilight.NandorI'm going to sprinkle glitter on my face and on my body. Like Twilight. -
America's first gay president
GuillermoWho is George Washington?NandorGeorge Washington.NandorAmerica's first gay president.GuillermoI don't think that George Washington was actually...NandorYes. -
That's Colin Robinson's favorite song
NadjaOh shit, you haven't signed his card!(The Hamster Dance song starts playing from the card)LaszloThat's Colin Robinson's favorite song. -
To be honest, I was bored
NadjaLaszlo was very nearly summoned when he turned a baby into a vampire, which is a big no-no.LaszloIt's true. You're not supposed to do that.LaszloBut, to be honest, I was bored. -
Fucking Mike
NadjaI cannot even speak the name of the vampire that organized that monstrosity.LaszloI don't give a fuck. His name was Mike.NadjaFucking Mike. -
Kill that fucking bitch, please, Laszlo
NadjaThis one is a very special creature to me.NadjaWhen I first met Laszlo, I was walking on the moors with him.NadjaAnd this owl flew over and scratched my head.NadjaAnd I said, "Kill that fucking bitch, please, Laszlo." -
I was Jack the Ripper
LaszloI was Jack the Ripper.LaszloI've never told anyone that before. -
It looks like I'm flying, Master
NandorHow is it looking, Guillermo?GuillermoIt looks like I'm flying, Master.NandorWoo-hoo.GuillermoWoo-hoo!GuillermoI'm a vampire!NandorYou are not, though. -
The most devious bastard in New York Citay
LaszloYou really are the most devious bastard, in New York Citay. -
Small and hard
NadjaIf me and Laszlo were to ever have had a child, I like to imagine it would look like him.NadjaSmall and hard. -
Vampires don't do dishes!
DeaconVampires don't do dishes!DeaconThis is bullshit. -
You got two subscribers? Someone's a star
GuillermoHey, buddy.LaszloHey.ColinGuess what? Come look at this.LaszloGreat to see you.GuillermoWow, big time studio here.ColinYeah, I got two subscribers.GuillermoYou got two subscribers? Someone's a star. -
He's, like, the queen bitch
GuillermoI think you're wonderful and I love-- Ow!GuillermoYou're a crazy bitch. But I love you.GuillermoYou know who else I love is Laszlo. But he's a horny little bitch.GuillermoI also love Colin Robinson. He's, like, a little boring bitch. Like, he's like an LBB.GuillermoBut, you know, the one I love the most is actually Nandor. Because he's, like, the queen bitch. -
What, you can't even call?
NandorWell, well, well.NandorYou've been gone all night. What, you can't even call?GuillermoI'm sorry. -
A lost cause with no hope whatsoever
LaszloI don't know how to put this lightly, but you're fucked.LaszloAnd while we're being blunt... You are what the scientific community refer to as a lost cause with no hope whatsoever. -
He was not just a familiar
NandorOh, no. Oh...BaronOkay, now I'm starting to feel a little bad. But on the bright side, he-he was just a familiar.NandorHe was not just a familiar. He was my bodyguard.NandorHe was the best man at my wedding.NandorHe was my friend. -
To be your familiar will be my honor
NandorGuillermo de la Cruz, will you do me the honor... of accompanying me on my journey around the world?GuillermoTo be a vampire is my dream. But to be your familiar will be my honor. -
You could have asked me
GuillermoI made a big mistake. And I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt... you. I had someone else turn me into a vampire. I asked them to do it.NandorYou asked... someone else? A vampire that was not me?GuillermoI felt like I had no other choice.NandorYou could have asked me.