Guillermo de la Cruz Quotes from What We Do in the Shadows
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You are not Twilight
NickTwilight!DeaconShut up, Nick! You are not Twilight.NandorI'm going to sprinkle glitter on my face and on my body. Like Twilight. -
America's first gay president
GuillermoWho is George Washington?NandorGeorge Washington.NandorAmerica's first gay president.GuillermoI don't think that George Washington was actually...NandorYes. -
It looks like I'm flying, Master
NandorHow is it looking, Guillermo?GuillermoIt looks like I'm flying, Master.NandorWoo-hoo.GuillermoWoo-hoo!GuillermoI'm a vampire!NandorYou are not, though. -
You got two subscribers? Someone's a star
GuillermoHey, buddy.LaszloHey.ColinGuess what? Come look at this.LaszloGreat to see you.GuillermoWow, big time studio here.ColinYeah, I got two subscribers.GuillermoYou got two subscribers? Someone's a star. -
He's, like, the queen bitch
GuillermoI think you're wonderful and I love-- Ow!GuillermoYou're a crazy bitch. But I love you.GuillermoYou know who else I love is Laszlo. But he's a horny little bitch.GuillermoI also love Colin Robinson. He's, like, a little boring bitch. Like, he's like an LBB.GuillermoBut, you know, the one I love the most is actually Nandor. Because he's, like, the queen bitch. -
What, you can't even call?
NandorWell, well, well.NandorYou've been gone all night. What, you can't even call?GuillermoI'm sorry. -
A lost cause with no hope whatsoever
LaszloI don't know how to put this lightly, but you're fucked.LaszloAnd while we're being blunt... You are what the scientific community refer to as a lost cause with no hope whatsoever. -
To be your familiar will be my honor
NandorGuillermo de la Cruz, will you do me the honor... of accompanying me on my journey around the world?GuillermoTo be a vampire is my dream. But to be your familiar will be my honor. -
You could have asked me
GuillermoI made a big mistake. And I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt... you. I had someone else turn me into a vampire. I asked them to do it.NandorYou asked... someone else? A vampire that was not me?GuillermoI felt like I had no other choice.NandorYou could have asked me. -
Guillermo is not cut out to be a vampire
GuillermoI've never killed anyone before. I mean, I guess dozens of vampires.GuillermoAnd I did bring humans to the vampires so they could kill them.GuillermoAnd I've dismembered, like, a ton of dead bodies.GuillermoBut back at the restaurant, that was a real living person. And when I leaned in to take... I could... smell their shampoo and all I kept thinking was this guy was at CVS just sniffing away all these shampoos and says, "Eh, I think I'll get this one because it reminds me of where I used to go camping as a kid."GuillermoI can't do this, I'm sorry. Could we just...NandorJust as I feared. Guillermo is not cut out to be a vampire. I will fix.