Man with a Plan
The funniest Quotes & GIFs
The funniest Man with a Plan quotes, GIFs and memes, starring Adam Burns, Andi Burns, Don Burns and Joe. 50 gags, voted by fans: Hot shows the most upvoted, Fresh the newest, Top 10 the best-of lists.
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She is half your age
AdamThen I'm going with Jennifer Lawrence.AndiShe is half your age.AdamHey, when I imagine these things, I'm half my age too. -
It all started with sugary cereal
DonI think it all started with sugary cereal. All we got for breakfast was plain oatmeal. You know? That put you in your place. You were barely more important than a horse. -
Happy wife, happy life
AdamHappy wife, happy life. Happy husband… It's so unimportant, nobody even tried to rhyme it. -
Don't mess with the Burns
AdamA lot of parents these days are hands off, but me, I am more hands on.DonHE TOUCHES KIDS! -
Say my name
AdamI got them in a car pool with ... what's her name... that Mum with the husky kid that always wears the valour tracksuits. We call him tiny Soprano. -
Master what?
AdamOkay Lowell, say it in your head and remember Don is the one who came up with it.LowellDon!! I wore this to church. -
Like Mom Like Son
AndiDr. Philips retired five years ago. But Adam says he sees him every year, which means someone's a liar.BeverlyWhy would Dr. Philips lie about his retirement?AndiOh, that's right. You are Don's mom too. -
You call that a hand turkey?
AdamHey, Kowalski. You call that a hand turkey?DonKowalski's only got three fingers.AdamSorry, buddy. Thumbs-up.DonNo thumb. -
I've got bras older than her
AndiI've got bras older than her.AdamAnd like them, she's been through a lot. -
Teacher Appreciation Day
TeacherBut they're for Teacher Appreciation Day.AdamI got to be honest. I don't appreciate you. When Teacher Resentment Day comes along, I'm your man. -
She's going through puberty
AndiShe's going through puberty. She is going to be moody, bossy and complicated.AdamSo when are you going to finish puberty? -
Thanks for cooking Mom
AdamThanks for cooking Mom. I haven't had a real home-cooked meal in… one day. -
She wasn't completely rotten when we were kids
AndiShe wasn't completely rotten when we were kids. One time she found a three-legged kitten and she nursed it back to health.AdamOh, really? How do you know that kitten didn't have four legs when it met her? -
Who's ready for another margarita?!
AndiWho's ready for another margarita?! Oh, look, I AM! -
I laughed for ten minutes.
AdamThis morning I put a banana between two oranges at the breakfast table. I laughed for ten minutes.LowellI don't get it. What's funny about a healthy breakfast. -
I'm gonna use the money to buy a couples vacation
DonI'm gonna use the money to buy a couples vacation for me and Marcy. Marcy's going to the Bahamas and I'm going to Mexico. -
You can't cuddle with an angry spoon.
AdamBut you can't cuddle with an angry spoon. That's just a fork. -
Am I crazy or did he just say something helpful?
AdamAm I crazy or did he just say something helpful?LowellI'm as stunned as you are. -
Soft-close?
JoeWell, these cabinets are broken. They won't slam.AdamWell, they are soft-close.JoeSoft-close? How do you express your mood? -
Just like heaven
MarcyI have enjoyed 19 mother-in-law-free years. It's like heaven, but you don't have to be a good person.