The Big Bang Theory

SheldonSorry I'm late.

SheldonNothing. I just really didn't want to come.

RajeshOr we could walk right behind each other all night and look like one person going really fast!

SheldonWe may have gotten off on the wrong foot when I called you an idiot. And I just wanted to say that I was wrong...to point it out.

PennyAnd what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?

HowardThese instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components. This right here is why Sweden has no space program.

SheldonChat? We don't chat, at least not off-line.

SheldonWe have our whole life to do science together.

SheldonYeah, well, if you're gonna be like this, then I don't wanna talk to you right now either. Okay, I love you, bye.

GeorgeI would rather swallow a pregnant wildcat and crap out a litter of kittens.

PennyWhat happened to our united front?

SheldonI'm asking the university for some funding tomorrow. What should I wear?

RajIf a monkey took the picture, did it discover the comet?

Dr.My thinking about people who have wronged me, I do over there.

SheldonIf leaders just stepped aside every time they didn't have the consent of the governed what would we have?

SheldonNot on my watch.

SheldonYou know what they say: "Fool me N times, where N equals the amount of times you've already fooled me, shame on you. Fool me N+1 times, shame on me.

RajI brought Chinese.

LeonardWhy do I bother talking to you people?