Seinfeld The funniest Quotes & GIFs

GeorgeI can’t stand kids. Adults think it’s so wonderful how honest kids are. I don’t need that kind of honesty. I’ll take a deceptive adult over an honest kid any day.

KramerI need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!

FrankUnderstand, we love you like a son, but even parents have limits.

GeorgeI love a good nap. Sometimes it's the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.

GeorgeI don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.

GeorgeI feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure.

KramerYes, yes. This pirate trend that she's come up with, Jerry, - this is gonna be the new look for the 90's. You're gonna be the first pirate!

JerryThe woman had an orgasm under false pretenses. That's sexual perjury.

JerrySalad! What was I thinking? Women don't respect salad eaters.

GeorgeShe’s got a little Marisa Tomei thing goin’ on.

GeorgeI don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

KramerBoxers! How do you wear these things!! They’re baggin’ up, they’re rising in! And there’s nothing holding me in place! I’m flippin’! I’m floppin’!

JerryI’ll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: if you’re going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe.

GeorgeWhy does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?

GeorgeI gotta call Elaine.

GeorgeOh, yeah. The blind date.

GeorgeShe calls me up at my office. She says, ‘We have to talk.’”

GeorgeThat or ‘Whose bra is this?’”

JerryI can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

JerryElaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

JerrySo you prefer dumb and lazy to religious?