New Girl

NickAm I proud of it? No. Did I do it? Yes.

JessWhat a dumb idea. Do it.

WinstonNot enough, not enough.

WinstonOh, also, I have a cat. He's not ready to have a relationship with you. So, just don't try to force it on him.

JessI know I'm gullible. 'Cause people tell me that, and I have no reason not to believe them.

NickAnd stop being so mean to me, or I swear to God I'm gonna fall in love with you.

SchmidtNow, daddy is going to do his job, because these braids are straight up dock ropes.

SchmidtI know, I know. Honey, they are all special.

WinstonI want to see some classic movies in color. Citizen Kane, Schindlers List...

NickFine, Schmidt. I hate your moustache because I miss your upper lip. Okay? You happy now?

CeceYou can say bye to both of them!

CeceHow do you plan to avoid this man that you are trapped in the same hotel with? There are, like, a thousand porns that start that way.

JessI am woman, the smartest species of them all.

NickYou didn't like my gift?

WinstonSorry, I'm just feeling a little insecure about my body, and the way it is connected to my face.

JessI have a lot of eggs. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of sausage.

JessI don't think I can even look at him without getting pregnant.

JessHe calls DNA "D and A".

CeceI look like a rich person in The Hunger Games.

NickPeople don't change. If someone's broken, they just stay broken.

JessNick doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, "Put on pants."