Charlie Harper Quotes
40 gags from Two and a Half Men
-
Were you at least close?
ChelseaAre you asking me if I had an orgasm, Charlie?CharlieYeah, but I'm trying to be cute about it.ChelseaNo, I did not. But it doesn't matter. It was wonderful.CharlieWere you at least close?ChelseaYes, I was close.CharlieWell, that's a start. Now, when you were close, what was I doing?ChelseaYou were downstairs getting a beer. -
I feel like the universe is playing some horrible...
AlanI feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me.CharlieWow, I lost 8000 dollar playing poker, I have no idea where my car is, threw up in my mouth three times, and I'm still having a better night than you are. -
Do you think I've been a good role model?
Charlie...do you think I've been a good role model?JakeYou drink, you gamble, you have different women here practically every night. You're the best role model a guy could want! -
There's a special section in Hell reserved for...
AlanThere's a special section in Hell reserved for people like you.CharlieThat's good, because I'd hate to have to stand in line. -
It seems like yesterday I could party all night
CharlieIt seems like yesterday I could party all night and eat and drink anything I wanted to. Now, a couple of Red Bulls and a waffle and I'm sitting in the emergency room, praying for a fart. -
Hide Chester.
JakeHide Chester.CharlieHow am I supposed to hide him? Sit under him with a pail and pretend he's a cow. -
Looks like you had a tough night.
AlanLooks like you had a tough night.CharlieNo, the night was great. It's the morning that's killing me! -
Charlie on Jakes future
CharlieWith his grades, he might as well get used to pushing shopping carts around.AlanAre you saying my son's gonna end up working in a supermarket?CharlieNo, I'm saying he's probably gonna end up homeless. -
I love you, not your money
MiaI love you, not your money or car or your house or your skills in bed.CharlieWhat's left? -
You mean child you
CharlieJust practicing...