Charlie Harper Quotes
40 gags from Two and a Half Men
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Berta is not holding back
CharlieI got a rash in my, you know, private area.BertaPrivate? You get more traffic you're gonna have to open a Starbucks. -
That's your big secret?
AlanWait a minute, that's your big secret? Alcohol?CharlieDon't tell anybody.AlanIsn't that just a temporary solution?CharlieIt's only temporary if you stop drinking. -
You know what the problem is?
CharlieYou know what the problem is? The women, the drinking... you guys look at me and you think it's easy. -
I feel for you.
CharlieBoy, I feel for you. Unfortunately, the feeling is nausea. -
Alcohol is poison.
CharlieAlcohol is poison.JakeIf it's poison, then why do you drink it?CharlieBecause there are things inside of me that I need to kill. -
Never, ever, ever again.
CharlieNever, ever, ever again.BertaYou gonna quit drinkin'?CharlieDon't be ridiculous.CharlieI'm gonna quit wakin' up. -
Love isn't blind, it's retarded.
CharlieLove isn't blind, it's retarded. -
Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few...
CharlieAlcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain-cells. -
My weirdness bar for chicks is pretty high
CharlieOK, I gotta tell you, my weirdness bar for chicks is pretty high... but you are clearing it in street shoes. -
Would you like to go see a bunch of naked boobs?
CharlieWould you like to go see a bunch of naked boobs?JakeThis was a dirty trick, Uncle Charlie.