Parks and Recreation The funniest Quotes & GIFs

LeslieTo this day, I am haunted by those remaining. One penis in particular.

LeslieFrom time to time, when I think of an eloquent saying or a phrase, I have Tom write it down. He's collecting them for my memoirs.

LeslieGuys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.

AnnHow many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?

AnnThat's it, one drink?

RonYou've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

RonOn my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side, so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time. Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?

ChrisRon, would you like some salad?

RonThe less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had.

LeslieSo what I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.

RonBut I like Tom. He doesn't do a lot of work around here. He shows zero initiative. He's not a team player. He's never one to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I'm looking for in a government employee.

AnnI mean, I was jogging. I hate jogging.

AnnJogging is the worst, Chris! I mean, I know it keeps you healthy. But God, at what cost?

AndyApril, you're like an angel with no wings.

AnnDo you have any history of mental illness in your family?

RonI enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel-toe boot. But this hotel always serves bacon-wrapped shrimp. That's my number one favorite food wrapped around my number three favorite food. I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates, if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp. Excuse me.

LeslieI have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie. It was just and insanely good brownie.

RonI got my first job when I was nine. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor... Child labor laws are ruining this country.

LeslieYou go big, or you go home. And you don't seem like the kind of guy who goes home.

LeslieWhat's wrong with me? Why do good guys hate me and gross guys love me?

"

RonTechnically we're all half centaur. "

RonIf your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.