Ron Swanson Quotes from Parks and Recreation
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Such a sweetheart
RonI'd prefer if she'd ask me for my permission so I could say no. I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm. -
Would you like some salad?
ChrisRon, would you like some salad?RonSince I am not a rabbit, no, I do not. -
How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?
AnnHow many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?RonOne.AnnThat's it, one drink?RonOne shelf. -
Ron and food.
RonYou've accidentally given me the food that my food eats. -
Would I get married again?
RonOn my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side, so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time. Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living? -
I'm not interested in other people
RonThe less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. -
Who wouldn't want to have an employee like Tom?
RonBut I like Tom. He doesn't do a lot of work around here. He shows zero initiative. He's not a team player. He's never one to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I'm looking for in a government employee. -
History of mental illness?
AnnDo you have any history of mental illness in your family?RonI have an uncle who does yoga. -
That sounds delicious
RonI enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel-toe boot. But this hotel always serves bacon-wrapped shrimp. That's my number one favorite food wrapped around my number three favorite food. I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates, if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp. Excuse me. -
I got my first job when I was nine
RonI got my first job when I was nine. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor... Child labor laws are ruining this country.