Jake Peralta Quotes from Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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The only worthwhile thing I've done today was take...
JakeThe only worthwhile thing I've done today was take a Buzzfeed quiz about what kind of onion I am. -
Did I just plan the worst wedding in history?
CharlesUh-oh. Did I just plan the worst wedding in history?JakeSecond worst, Red Wedding, Game Of Thrones. -
Ma'am, if you could just get down
JakeMa'am, if you could just get down, or...ignore me and continue shopping. -
The doctor said all my bleeding was internal
TerryYou could've died, man.JakeThe doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be. -
Explain that
JakeOh, yeah, the guy without a daddy is the one with daddy issues! Explain that logic. -
I'm everykind of friend.
JakeSarge, I'm everykind of friend. I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler, I'm Rachel, I'm... who's the dinosaur guy?TerryRoss, bro. Ross!! -
Never skip ear day
JakeYou have more muscles in your ears than I have in my entire body.TerryNever skip ear day, Jake. -
Remember we are at work
JakeAlright what I'm about to say will make you very horny but you have to try and remember that we are still at work. Do you want me to quiz you?AmyOh God yes.JakeWow, okay great. -
I don't wanna die
DougJake, help me I don't wanna die. I'm still on second season of Game of Thrones.JakeAlright, lets just put the knife down okay. -
Stupid rest of the world
RosaDumb europeans write their dates backwards.JakeOf course! Stupid rest of the world, writing their date all dumb.