Weeds
The funniest Quotes & GIFs
The funniest Weeds quotes, GIFs and memes, starring Nancy, Doug, Conrad and Heylia. 10 gags, voted by fans: Hot shows the most upvoted, Fresh the newest, Top 10 the best-of lists.
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Babe, these are cops.
NancyBabe, these are cops. I’m a drug dealer. You’re a murderer. We can’t all play on the same kick ball team. -
What do you call the thing between the dick and the...
AndyHey, Lupita! Settle an argument for us. What do you call the thing between the dick and the asshole?LupitaThe coffee table. -
You calling black people stupid?
ConradYou calling black people stupid?NancyAnd lazy... and they also steal.HeyliaYeah, but we sings and we dances real good. -
You bought a Prius?
NancyYou bought a Prius?U-TurnI bought seven of them. I’ve got my whole crew driving em, real quiet. Good for sneaking up on MOTHERFUCKERS!! -
Don’t deal to kids
NancyYou listen, you stay away from my customer base, you don’t deal to kids.JoshThey’re too young to bleed, they’re too young for weed, no grass on the field no grass will they yield. -
I tried to read the Bible.
DougI tried to read the Bible. I did. But it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings. -
How Andy?
DougHow do you ask the woman that makes your kids’ lunches to suck your balls and spread her ass open like a geometry compass? How, Andy? -
Been there. Done that. Fucked it up. Twice.
NancyBeen there. Done that. Fucked it up. Twice. -
Listen. Being a thug means...
U-TurnListen. Being a thug means never having to say you’re sorry. -
You’re not a bad influence because you are a drug...
ShaneYou’re not a bad influence because you are a drug dealer. You’re a bad influence because you’re a bad drug dealer.