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  • Angela Martin and Michael Scott in The Office: “He knows how to get things. He got me. Whoa! Sorry. Twice.” He knows how to get things.
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war.” And look at where we are now.
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  • Dwight Schrute in The Office: “Growing up, I performed my own circumcision.” Growing up, I performed my own circumcision.
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  • Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott in The Office: “Force it in as deep as you can. That's what she said.” Force it in as deep as you can.
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all, and it's terrible.” I don't hate it.
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” I am running away from my responsibilities.
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool.
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  • Karen Filippelli and Michael Scott in The Office: “When we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods. I have to know whether you're...” When we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods
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  • Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute in The Office: “The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression. Depression?” Dwight, you ignorant sl*!
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “Dwight, you ignorant slut!” Dwight, you ignorant sl*!
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  • Dwight Schrute in The Office: “Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.” Dwight has impeccable timing.
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “I know a fair amount about fine food and drink. This is a white.” I know a fair amount about fine food and drink.
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  • Dwight Schrute in The Office: “I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow.” I overslept.
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  • Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute in The Office: “After you sir. No, thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. 7 out of 10 attacks, are from the...” After you sir.
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  • Kevin Malone in The Office: “I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here...” Dont worry Kevin
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  • Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott in The Office: “What are those stains? Blood, urine or semen. God, I hope it's urine.” What are those stains?
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “Would I rather be feared or loved? Both, I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” Would I rather be feared or loved?
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  • Michael Scott in The Office: “Please, please, do not drink and drive because you may hit a bump and spill the drink.” Do not drink and drive
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  • Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly in The Office: “Last night on Trading spouses... There's... have you seen it? No, I have a life.” I have a life.
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  • Pepper Saltzman in Modern Family: “This may shock you, but I don't have many friends. Express some shock Phil.” I don't have many friends.
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