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  • April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation: “I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions.” I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk.
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  • Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation: “We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work.” Friends, waffles and work
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  • Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation: “Every time a couple gets married, two single people die.” Every time a couple gets married…
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  • Schmidt in New Girl: “I don't celebrate Christmas, okay? Or as I like to call it, White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night.” I don't celebrate Christmas
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  • Jess Day in New Girl: “If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!” If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies!
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  • Winston Bishop in New Girl: “I'm worried about Schmidt. He's a Jew in the desert. I don't want him to wander.” I'm worried about Schmidt. He's a Jew in the desert.
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  • Winston Bishop in New Girl: “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost.” You were denied a cell phone
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  • Jess Day and Nick Miller in New Girl: “Hey, are you gonna murder me 'cause you're a stranger I met on the Internet? Yes, I am. He says no.” Hey, are you gonna murder me
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  • Nick Miller in New Girl: “I am not a successful adult. I don't eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.” I am not a successful adult.
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  • Nick Miller, Schmidt and Winston Bishop in New Girl: “Merie said he's not publishing Chicago Hobo and then a bird pooed on me.” Merie said he's not publishing Chicago Hobo
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  • Nick Miller in New Girl: “My only babysitter at the time was a rollercoaster at a local amusement park. That and a pack of cigarettes.” My only babysitter at the time was a rollercoaster
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  • Jess Day and Nick Miller in New Girl: “You always see the worst in people. Yeah, because people are the worst!” You always see the worst in people.
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  • Nick Miller and Bob Day in New Girl: “I've got stuff I got to do. Stuff? You don't have any stuff. Name one stuff. Documents.” I've got stuff I got to do.
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  • Jess Day in New Girl: “Can you imagine how much we would get done if we just focused our energy onto something a little bit more worthwhile?” Can you imagine how much we would get done
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  • Jess Day and Nick Miller in New Girl: “Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy. I don't think you're trying that hard.” I guess I can't hide my crazy.
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  • Jess Day in New Girl: “I'd like the strongest drink you have, and also a wine spritzer on the side in case I don't like it.” I'd like the strongest drink you have
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  • Nick Miller and Jess Day in New Girl: “She will believe anything. That's not true, Nick. My real name is Jamil. It is?” She will believe anything.
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  • Winston Bishop in New Girl: “Ferguson is his name. Yeah, he's my cat. Here's him in a cowboy hat.” Ferguson is his name.
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  • Schmidt in New Girl: “Nick is delicate, like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself.” Nick is delicate, like a flower.
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  • Nick Miller in New Girl: “I've never been more sober in my whole life. I'll remember this as long as I live. I'm all in. Uno, bitches.” I've never been more sober in my whole life
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