• Stewie Griffin in Family Guy: “Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.” I come bearing a gift
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  • Kevin and Donna in Kevin can wait: “Hey guys, quick update. I am already two burgers in, and there is really no sign of me slowing down.” Hey guys, quick update
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  • Homer Simpson in The Simpsons: “Bart, this is your father! Do you know where the remote is? I looked all over the house.” This is your father!
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  • Schmidt in New Girl: “Where do you even buy sheets like this? They have the thread count of a paper towel.” Where do you even buy sheets like this?
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  • Homer Simpson in The Simpsons: “I'm in no condition to drive. Wait, I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk.” I'm in no condition to drive.
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  • Lily Tucker-Pritchett and Cameron Tucker in Modern Family: “So Larry's allowed to sit on the couch and I'm not? Well, Larry is white.” Larry is white.
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  • Stewie Griffin in Family Guy: “Every hot girl who can aim a camera thinks she's a photographer. Ooh, you took a black and white picture of a lawn...” Whistle While Your Wife Works
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  • Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory: “Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them.” I excel at many things
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  • Gordon Ramsay in Hells Kitchen: “This is a really tough decision. Because you're both crap.” This is a really tough decision. Because you're both crap.
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  • Gordon Ramsay in Hells Kitchen: “I wish you’d jump in the oven. That would make my life a whole lot easier.” I wish you’d jump in the oven.
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