• Chelsea and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Are you asking me if I had an orgasm, Charlie? Yeah, but I'm trying to be cute about it.” Were you at least close?
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  • Alan Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me.” I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me.
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  • Charlie Harper and Jake Harper in Two and a Half Men: “...do you think I've been a good role model? You drink, you gamble, you have different...” Do you think I've been a good role model?
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  • Jake Harper and Alan Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I might have to write a book report for Monday!! What do you mean you might have to write a...” I might have to write a book report.
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  • Alan Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “There's a special section in Hell reserved for people like you. That's good, because I'd...” There's a special section in Hell reserved for people like you.
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  • Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “It seems like yesterday I could party all night and eat and drink anything I wanted to.” It seems like yesterday I could party all night
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  • Dorothy and Alan Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Listen, I'm looking for my daughter. Drunk blonde? Well, she isn't always blonde.” I'm looking for my daughter
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  • Jake Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Hide Chester. How am I supposed to hide him? Sit under him with a pail and pretend he's a cow.” Hide Chester.
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  • Alan Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Looks like you had a tough night. No, the night was great. It's the morning that's killing me!” Looks like you had a tough night.
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  • Jake Harper and Kandi in Two and a Half Men: “Do you know anything about geometry? Well, I know it's what you say when you turn into a tree. Get it?” Love her
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