• Mia and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I love you, not your money or car or your house or your skills in bed. What's left?” I love you, not your money
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  • Alan Harper and Jake Harper in Two and a Half Men: “You're praying for a good grade? I'm praying for the teacher to get sick.” You're praying for a good grade?
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  • Alan Harper in Two and a Half Men: “You have to forgive my brother. He thinks with his penis and his penis isn't very bright.” He thinks with his penis
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  • Berta and Alan Harper in Two and a Half Men: “[seeing Alan's swollen eye] Great googooly moogoolies! What the hell happened to you? I'm not sure..” What the hell happened to you?
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  • Alan Harper and Evelyn Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Oh, this looks interesting: Two-bedroom, needs work, up-and-coming neighborhood.” Oh, this looks interesting
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  • Jake Harper and Judith Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I think you're getting senile. Watch your mouth, young man! I can't watch it.” I think you're getting senile.
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  • Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Just practicing...” You mean child you
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  • Evelyn Harper and Norman in Two and a Half Men: “You look a lot like my fifth husband. Really? How many times you been married? Four.” You look a lot like my fifth husband.
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  • Charlie Harper and Berta in Two and a Half Men: “I have a firm rule when it comes to sleeping with married women. Yeah, if she's firm enough...” I have a firm rule when it comes to sleeping with married women.
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  • Evelyn Harper and Charlie Harper in Veep: “And I want an unadorned headstone that reads simply, Evelyn Harper: Loving wife, devoted mother.” I want an unadorned headstone
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