• Kourtney Kardashian and Khloe Kardashian in Keeping Up with the Kardashians: “I am sober. And life, when you can actually remember things, is...” What do you think? I am with Khloe.
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  • Kris Jenner and Khloe Kardashian in Keeping Up with the Kardashians: “This is from Jeff Kuntz. You need to go to an art class Khloe.” I'm your daughter and you're art shaming me and it's mean.
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  • Angie Damato in Single Parents: “I love metal. Makes me feel like a demon's inside me and I like that. But, anyway, none of you guys understand.” Tag a metalhead
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  • Walden Schmidt and Alan Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Trust me. Money does not buy happiness. I wouldn't know. I've never had either.” Money does not buy happiness.
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  • Dr. Linda Freeman and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Been drinking heavier than usual? Just the occasional glass of wine with dinner.” Been drinking heavier than usual?
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  • Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “My past is divided between things I can't remember and things I don't want to.” My past is divided between thinks I can't remember and things I don't want to.
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  • Chelsea and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Are you asking me if I had an orgasm, Charlie? Yeah, but I'm trying to be cute about it.” Were you at least close?
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  • Alan Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me.” I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me.
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  • Charlie Harper and Jake Harper in Two and a Half Men: “...do you think I've been a good role model? You drink, you gamble, you have different...” Do you think I've been a good role model?
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  • Jake Harper and Alan Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I might have to write a book report for Monday!! What do you mean you might have to write a...” I might have to write a book report.
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