• Alan Harper and Evelyn Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Oh, this looks interesting: Two-bedroom, needs work, up-and-coming neighborhood.” Oh, this looks interesting
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  • Jake Harper and Judith Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I think you're getting senile. Watch your mouth, young man! I can't watch it.” I think you're getting senile.
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  • Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Just practicing...” You mean child you
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  • Evelyn Harper and Norman in Two and a Half Men: “You look a lot like my fifth husband. Really? How many times you been married? Four.” You look a lot like my fifth husband.
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  • Charlie Harper and Berta in Two and a Half Men: “I have a firm rule when it comes to sleeping with married women. Yeah, if she's firm enough...” I have a firm rule when it comes to sleeping with married women.
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  • Evelyn Harper and Charlie Harper in Veep: “And I want an unadorned headstone that reads simply, Evelyn Harper: Loving wife, devoted mother.” I want an unadorned headstone
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  • Jake Harper and Alan Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Where's the dead guy? Jake, show a little respect. Where's the dead guy, sir?” Show some respect
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  • Alan Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I think I forgot something. If you forgot, isn't important. Yeah, you're right.” I think I forgot something.
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  • Alan Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “Should I change? You should but after all these years I doubt you will.” Should I change?
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  • Jake Harper and Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men: “I'm sleeping. Sleep in school, like everybody else.” I'm sleeping.
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