• Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation: “Every time a couple gets married, two single people die.” Every time a couple gets married…
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  • Schmidt in New Girl: “I don't celebrate Christmas, okay? Or as I like to call it, White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night.” I don't celebrate Christmas
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  • Jess Day in New Girl: “If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!” If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies!
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  • Winston Bishop in New Girl: “I'm worried about Schmidt. He's a Jew in the desert. I don't want him to wander.” I'm worried about Schmidt. He's a Jew in the desert.
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  • Winston Bishop in New Girl: “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost.” You were denied a cell phone
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  • Jess Day and Nick Miller in New Girl: “Hey, are you gonna murder me 'cause you're a stranger I met on the Internet? Yes, I am. He says no.” Hey, are you gonna murder me
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  • Nick Miller in New Girl: “I am not a successful adult. I don't eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.” I am not a successful adult.
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  • Nick Miller, Schmidt and Winston Bishop in New Girl: “Merie said he's not publishing Chicago Hobo and then a bird pooed on me.” Merie said he's not publishing Chicago Hobo
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  • Nick Miller in New Girl: “My only babysitter at the time was a rollercoaster at a local amusement park. That and a pack of cigarettes.” My only babysitter at the time was a rollercoaster
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  • Jess Day and Nick Miller in New Girl: “You always see the worst in people. Yeah, because people are the worst!” You always see the worst in people.
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