• Joey doesn't share food!
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  • Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory: “How are you with pets? Well, I did take care of Sheldon for 15 years and he only bit me twice.” That should count
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  • Sheldon Cooper and Mary Cooper in The Big Bang Theory: “Why do people cry at weddings? They're practicing for what's coming later.” Makes sense
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  • Jerry Seinfeld in Seinfeld: “You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, I give up.” But they are so comfy
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  • Peter Griffin and Joe Swanson in Family Guy: “We'll never make it on foot. We got to steal that kid's Jet Ski. Peter, the boat's right there.” It's the only way guys!
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  • Murray in The Goldbergs: “I raised morons” You've got to be kidding me
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  • Roger and Will in Veep: “What do you move like Will? I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.” What do you move like Will?
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  • Veep: “If you can get a senate reform bill through the place it's designed to reform...that would be like persuading a guy to fist himself.” Selina's proposal for filibuster reform
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  • GTFO!
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  • Seinfeld: “I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.”
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